It's May! That gorgeous Holiday (MHU)

It's another Monday, so more that means more MONDAY HOLIDAY UPDATES! (are you getting the boomy announcer voice in your head yet?)

Unfortunately (yes, I know you're all broken hearted), this is the fifth week of April, and Holiday Insights is just off enough to not have a holiday posted for this week. Shame, really!

And they're not improving their record with Today's holidays, either. I found out from a board of Graphic Designers I like to spy and read on that today is actually National Graphic Design Day! HOW AMAZING IS THAT?!? A holiday, just for my dream profession! And Holiday Insights didn't even mention it.I kind of even feel like I've been celebrating it well, as I've been working on my sister's wedding announcement and tweaking it closer to perfection. How apt.

I recommend you start preparing for Tuesday's holiday ASAP, as it is definitely up there on the list of romantic unpopular holidays. Tomorrow is both Great Poetry Reading Day as well as Kiss Your Mate Day. Awwww! So, gentlemen, make sure you read your lovely lady some poetry and then bestow upon her a kiss. Hopefully last Thursday was a good Take a Chance Day for those of the single sort so you can celebrate today. But remember! No kissing until you're married, and only for a few very chaste seconds! (says the girl who has neither been kissed nor knows anyone she'd actually want to)

Wednesday is looking absolutely lovely for me. Even if you don't have anyone to celebrate Tuesday with, I'm sure you'll LOVE celebrating Shrimp Scampi Day! You can go out to Keywester (that's like a delicious version of Red Lobster for all you floundering in confusion) for a plate of perfectly prepared shrimp, make your own (I've heard it's quite easy!), have California Pizza Kitchen's delicious (but oniony) Shrimp Scampi Pizza, or bum some scampi off a friend. But make sure you enjoy them!

And for those of you who don't love seafood quite so much...well...looks like more for the rest of us.

Thursday is a plethora of fun. First of all, it's National Honesty Day, which is AMAZING. Who WOULDN'T love a day of nothing but honesty? Sounds like the perfect day to spend some time in Washington.

Ironically, Thursday is also Hairstyle Appreciation Day, a lovely day to toss your tresses and get loved right back by the masses. Remember that your lady friends sometimes spend hours on their hair, and more and more gentlemen are taking their time as well, so if you see a good 'do, tell that lovely stranger or wonderful friend that ya think that thurr hair looks purdy!

Now, bear in mind that these two days should live in perfect cohabitation...so...keep Thumper in mind. If you can't say anything nice, don't say nothing at all.

Friday is exciting. It's the ~First day of May~ which means a lot of things! The most important being that now this schedule gets an intermission to hear this week's celebration!

The first week of May is Nurse's week, which is also apt for my foot condition. My foot is purple, guys. And the nurse called not fifteen minutes ago...she certainly deserves a week celebration! As do all the wonderful nurses! They get kind of short-handed with this whole "Friday and Saturday count as the first week" garbage, so make sure you make a big deal about it being Nurses' Week this weekend to make up for it.

Friday is actually host to five holidays, and they're ALL legit (I consider legit to be when Holiday Insights actually knows who made it, or if the President gave it his golden seal of approval). So buckle up, because you'd better be celebrating Astronomy Day, Mother Goose Day, Loyalty Day, and Save the Rhinoceros Day this May Day.

You can start the morning by promising your kids, friends, parents, and pets, and any small children you meet that you're going to celebrate ALL FIVE holidays. Before you go on your way to work, school, and other boring things, run around the maypole a few times with some shiny ribbon.

Then, when you get home, make sure you head out to the zoo and look at some Rhinos eat some hay. Make one of those plastic rhinos that cost about $5 and thusly donate to help replenish that hay you just watched buddy-boy eat.

When you get home that evening, find a small child and read them a Mother Goose Story. No Aesop's fables- just good ole' Mother Goose. I personally suggest "Puss in Boots"; it's my favorite. Not the Zorro-tastic Cat with Antonio Banderas' voice (though he's a favorite of mine, too), the story I read at Oma's house. I never get over how crafty that darn cat is!

Once you've charmed the small child, you and your buddies can head outside. It should be dark by now- if not, learn some patience and learn to spend more time at the zoo. You can watch the stars, ponder on your eternal nature, and look for some comets. Maybe even a floating Mufasa head or two. And if you find your sky is too polluted by lights, I suggest visiting a local Planetarium. Did you know Illinois only has twelve, one of which is at WVHS, just seven minutes away? Maybe THAT local is a bit hard for a lot of people, but I still suggest trying. I'll have you know that 2009 is also the International Year of Astronomy, so all the more reason to look for a planetarium.

Now it's about time to head to bed. Gather your kids, friends, parents, and pets, and that poor small child you frightened this morning. Tell them of your celebrations and rejoice! You were LOYAL on top of all of those amazing Friday/May Day activities. You kept your promise!

I know you're probably going to be burnt out from all that fun Friday, so Saturday is going to be quite welcome. Get your favorite newspaper (local or not) and sit down on a rug, because today is World Press Freedom Day. And Lumpy Rug Day. That first holiday kind of kicks the second one's trash (why would you want to celebrate a lumpy rug?), so I suggest making a point to read some fine journalism. Other than A Missalanius Life, as fine quality as my journalism is.

Sunday is Renewal Day, which reminds me of Easter. But it has nothing to do with Easter. However, since it is Sunday, I do suggest remembering the Renewal of life that He brought to us. You can also renew your nails, your hairdo, your pantries...whatever suits you for a mentally cleansing and renewing Sunday. And Papaya would eat me alive if I didn't mention it's also Bird Day, which was started by Animal Rights Activists who don't like caged birds. They should talk to my dad- he says the only place for Papi is her cage.

Now, I know this is already a long holiday post and you're all ready to hop up and give some graphic designers some appreciation, love, and money. Especially the seventeen-year-old, 5'3", high-school attending, crippled, aspiring graphic designers. But just one moment!

May is also---

Date Your Mate Month (This is something to keep in mind especially if Tuesday didn't go so well...or if it went really well)
National Barbecue Month (I think ours still has the cover on it)
National Bike Month (I guess that means I should pull it off the garage ceiling and see if I can still ride it after these past few years...the expression "just like riding a bike" has to mean something, right?)
National Blood Pressure Month (Woot.)
National Hamburger Month (Woot!)
National Photograph Month (This should make Moms everywhere happy. I mean that seriously if they're the one behind the camera, sarcastically if they're in front of it.)
National Recommitment Month (How wonderful for the First Sunday to be Renewal day!)
National Salad Month (It's Blood Pressure Month AND Hamburger month...I guess we need SOME kind of balance)
and Older Americans Month (I'll refrain from the jokes here, I guess. :P)

"The Lusty Month Of May" can be found in Camelot